“An Open Letter to Rick Springfield”

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Dear Ricky,

How the years have flown! Sigh. I think of you often and fondly. I am hoping you have found peace in your life–the sort of peace you richly deserve.

It still hurts to hear that song…you know…THAT song. I know it was a LONG time ago, but every time, it still takes me back to those youthful years. I assure you–I never knew how you felt. I’m not a mind reader, you know. Jessie is a distant memory now and you really need to find some closure. What was I supposed to do? Yeah, you were cute in a “white bread” sort of way–but Jessie had tatts and piercings and, well, looked hotter than you. Jessie had that whole “bad boy criminal” aura about him and you were always lurking around–looking all “needy” and shit with those creepy eyes. And besides, Jess played drums!!!!! I’m not trying to be hurtful here, but you have to understand–we were young and impressionable and–it’s sort of like comparing Donnie Osmond to John Bonham. 
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I guess in my own fucked-up sort of way, I’m apologizing for any pain I caused back when I was “Jessie’s Girl”. 

Wishing you the best in your career,
Kiki

And, weighing in with additional commentary (and his “middle finger up”—but he’s not bitter) is my “squeeze” J.B.–

Dear Rick and Jessie,

While you were arguing with each other for that short time you were with Kiki, I was busy in nursing school. Although you both had the looks to allow you to skate through life, I didn’t and had to continue to take classes. I studied boring things like Arctic Meteorology and Oceanography, Hydrograph Theory, Advanced Fire Weather Forecasting, Web Design, Digital Photography–boring shit that would allow me to get a job, as playing a musical instrument was impossible due to the bike crash that made it difficult to hold a pick or strum a guitar. I did learn how to spell, to formulate a sentence, to write an interesting paragraph or story. So while it may seem like you each had the advantage in life, I was writing beautiful, charming letters to Kiki. Nursing school taught me to be compassionate and caring and she digs that. Earth sciences taught me to be more observant to her needs and wants and that’s a turn-on for her. Photography and design taught me to be creative, and we spend lots of time trying new things–LOTS of new things. She dumped both of your asses and now wakes up in the mornings, rolls over and kisses me, then gets up and cooks my breakfast. Thanks guys for being such macho assholes!

 J.B.

 

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