“What Ever Happened to Truth in Advertising?” or “Online Dating From a Guy’s Perspective”

Today I received a rebuttal from a male perspective regarding online dating. Please read! I’m all about giving equal time…like I said, I don’t know the male perspective for I’m not a dude:”
“And dating from a guys point of view…
Ladies, why post a picture of yourself in your skimpiest underwear, sprawled across the bed like the busiest girl in a New Orleans brothel and then title your profile “looking for respectable man”? If you don’t respect yourself, why should you care if HE is respectable? And why do you add “if you are looking for sex, don’t bother to contact me”? Over $467 billion was spent worldwide for advertising last year. If you are selling orange juice, you don’t slap a ketchup label on it and put it in a ketchup bottle. If you don’t want us to think of you as “easy”, then don’t market yourself that way.
And speaking of ‘truth in advertising”, the picture you have beside your profile is beautiful. You looked really great…back then. But your college freshman photograph is no where close to showing the wrinkles, grey hair, and “birth hips” you now possess any more than my high school photo shows my balding hairline, the extra pounds around my belt-line, or the glasses perched on the bridge of my nose. I know those things are not attractive to the 18-45 year old crowd, but that’s not the crowd I’m interested in anyway. I’m not looking to be a “sugar daddy”. I’m sugar daddy to my kids. After them, there isn’t any spare money left to fund your sightseeing trip to exotic countries. If you want to travel, you should probably get a job. That’s what I had to do, as do most people. Instead of travelling to Belgium or wherever the hell it is you desire to go, you, like most of us REASONABLE people, will find about the most foreign destination we can afford is a trip to Panama City or Daytona. And speaking of…why do 95% of you think we would carry you on a first date to “see the sunrise while we strolled on the beach”? Just suppose we decided to grant you that perfect first date on the beach. Since the beach is at least 6 hours away, have you considered what a miserable trip it would be on the drive back home if you got there and decided you didn’t like me? Or I you for that matter.
I’m not saying a first date shouldn’t be nice, but it doesn’t have to be the exclusive restaurant you are demanding for the pleasure of me to sit across from you and watch you stuff your face with steak and lobster and swill wine at $80 a bottle. Forgive me, but sitting across from a total stranger who is watching me eat still makes me a bit uncomfortable.  For some reason, I tend to think a nice cozy place where we can actually hear each other talk and get to know each other is far superior than waking up the next day, ears ringing,looking at the ticket stubs from the AC/Dc concert and still not knowing a thing about you. Except you just had to have the $45 tee shirt… I guess the line “financially secure” in the things you are looking for in someone really means “rich so I don’t have to spend any of my money”. DISCLAIMER–I LOVE AC/DC and would go to their concert in a heartbeat. Just not on a first date. 
ImageI can’t say my dating experiences haven’t been eye opening. There was the nice photo of the cute chick with the beautiful smile. Too bad she didn’t tell me that photo was almost 15 years old before I met her. She looked NOTHING like her photo. And the part she left out about how the drugs she was on had caused her to gain weight and gave her skin giant blotches of color. I’ll admit, the blues and purples on her hands would make a nice custom car color.  Couldn’t quite get over how the steroids had given her a better moustache than I had though. You see, she had been in a coma for several months earlier and it had affected her thinking processes. Most of the date went something like “What did you say your name was again?” with me repeating my name. She kept telling me over and over how much she liked to burn leaves and kept asking if I knew any place where she could dig up dinosaur bones. WTF! The kicker was, she said being in a coma had actually IMPROVED her personality….
And then there was the redhead…nice picture with her profile, things we had in common, ect. After talking a few times we decided to meet. Lord have mercy! I should have passed on that one too. I don’t mind a few pounds on a lady. After all, with age comes the wisdom that there aren’t a plethora of super models that want to date a fifty-something year old guy and you become more realistic in your search. Beauty isn’t everything, so I overlooked the 75 extra pounds the camera failed to capture on her “recent” pic. We went to have lunch in a modest restaurant, and she started telling me how her therapist said she should try easing into the dating scene after a very failed marriage. Then she started crying. I’m talking about front of the shirt wet crying. The people around me are looking at me like I had just stolen their gold watch. The waiter that had been so nice before suddenly starts with an attitude like I had done something to this girl. Kept giving me the stink eye and looking at me and shaking his head while whispering to the other waitresses and waiters. Actually kinda squeezed in between us with his back to me and asked her if she wanted him to call someone for her. That’s when I suggested that she should see her therapist again soon and ended the date. The only satisfaction I gained from that date was,  if every one thought I was an asshole, I might as well be one. As I paid the bill, I called the waiter over with a twenty dollar bill in my hand. Then I told him “F@#K YOU!” and stuck the money back in my pocket…
And ladies, we guys DO NOT care about hearing about your past dates. We could care less about the guys you’ve dated. Or the number of them. Unless the professional ball player is a hook up for World Series game tickets, the rich dude is gonna let me borrow his Lambo for the weekend, or the doctor is going to give me a free splenectomy, I don’t care.  Constantly talking about what an ass he was gives us the impression you may be a bitter bitch. And on the flip side, if you constantly talk about how great they are, makes us wonder if you are planning on getting back with them in the future. Again, we don’t care to discuss your past boyfriends any more than you would care to hear about our past girlfriends.
And PLEASE, just be yourself from the start. Whatever that may be, there is someone that likes those qualities in you. But don’t put on a front that you are so delicate and refined that you could dance on butterfly wings without leaving damage, only later leaving us to find out you  are quite the opposite. If you want us to think you are a lady, then you must act like one. If your conversations almost always include some sexual reference, then you will become associated with sex. And saying “that’s just who I am” doesn’t help any. Who I am is someone that wants to respect his lady and I find it difficult to respect someone that always makes me wonder if it is a mistake to invest our dating time in someone that is not what they marketed themselves to be in the first place. Save that talk for the bedroom. Or at least until you are alone with your girlfriends before you make reference to the size of a mans’ penis, how great he would look with his shirt off or how cowboy hot his jeans make him look,  or how kinky you can get… unless you are whispering those things in our ears about us. If a man always talks about the size of a womans va jay jay, or always made sexual references, you would call him sleezy and a pig.  Give us the same courtsey. Again, the old “orange juice in a ketchup bottle” thing.

One thought on ““What Ever Happened to Truth in Advertising?” or “Online Dating From a Guy’s Perspective”

  1. As the author of the rebuttal, I would like to add that online dating CAN be successful. I met, made friends with, and fell in love with a wonderful, intelligent, funny, and honest woman that is my heart’s desire. We share a love and respect for each other that many people search their whole lives for. I love her dearly. Her name is Kiki and she is the author of Krava by Kiki.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s