“She Said WWHHAAATTT?”

OK, now for the “she said WHAATT?” portion of our programming. This really happened with my mother the parrot. For those of you that tuned in late, I call her “the parrot” for she can perfectly imitate the GPS commands from my Tom Tom. So here goes…

As many of my readers know, I’m a little OCD in the cleanliness department. Well, on this particular day, I cleaned, disinfected, scrubbed, fluffed, and douched the kitchen (twice) and moved on to other areas in casa Plesha. A little while later, I returned to my “handiwork”, only to discover the meat tenderizer-pounder thingy lying on the counter. As I knew it wasn’t there before (I have chalk outlines in the drawers where everything goes) I returned it to its usual and proper place…only to come back a short while later and discover that it had magically jumped out of the drawer again on to the counter top. So now it’s time to inquire of my maternal parental unit “what gives?”, as Mitzi the wonder dog can’t reach there. So here’s the conversation that ensues (I swear this is my reality!)…

Me: “Mom, why is the meat tenderizer thingy on the counter top?”

Mom: “Well, I needed to use it”

Me: “Oh, you are cooking tonight?”

Mom: “No”

Me: “Ok, I’ll bite…and again…why is the pounder thing on the countertop?”

Mom: “Well, I had an itch”

Me: “I’m not sure I really want to know this…but what does that have to do with our utensils?”

Mom: “Sometimes my back itches and I just use that” (horror of horrors!)

Me (a little panicky): “Let me understand this…you use the meat tenderizer utensil to scratch your back? Perfect, that’s a year on a Psychiatrist’s couch for me…that is sooo wrong on so many levels.”

Mom: “Oh, it’s no big deal…I use it over my clothes not under”.

Me (at this point I’M itching): “Perfect…I understand your line of reasoning, but there’s a lot of things people do over their clothes and I still wouldn’t want to shake their hand…or eat from it.”

Now I’m eyeing the spatula, thongs, and egg whisker and I’m a little worried. And I’m now covering my chalk outlined kitchen utensils in latex…

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